


I Long To Hold You Tight

by ermengarde



Category: Adam Lambert - Fandom, glam rps, lambliff
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-07
Updated: 2010-09-07
Packaged: 2017-10-11 14:10:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/113236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ermengarde/pseuds/ermengarde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam is sad and a little jealous, while Tommy is oblivious and mostly like a cat.</p><p>Adam just <em>wants</em>, okay? Half the people around him are happily coupled off and he's left all alone in the middle. It sucks and Tommy's not making it any better, making Adam crush on him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Long To Hold You Tight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [angelnetgirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelnetgirl/gifts).



> Beta'd by the very patient Vae, who did great battle with my semi-colons, peculiar line-space choices and general tendency to make all the English teachers I'm related to cry. It wouldn't be nearly so readable without her.

Performing got Adam _hot_: doing what he loved - what he was afraid he'd never get to do - in front of hundreds of people screaming his name, rolling his hips, getting in the headspace to perform songs about love and sex, playing with Tommy. Yeah. He wasn't that surprised when Neil showed him a bunch of forum threads discussing the _glambulge_; he was more surprised that he hadn't been called out on the tight-pants-turned-on combination more widely.

Except that would involve the media acknowledging that sex involved cocks and that was never going to happen. Anyway, he wasn't ashamed. He had nothing to be ashamed _of_ thank you very much.

It was hard, though (ha!). He had _needs_, an itch he could scratch in L.A. by enjoying a little free and easy lovin' between friends, but on tour... On tour he had his right hand and no time and half the time he _did_ have was spent on a bus with paper thin walls and a tendency to jerk around corners at critical moments.

 

There was a tension running through the group; not the bad kind, but that sparky knife-edge fizzing under the skin that had Adam stalking around on stage stroking and rubbing himself, Tommy, Taylor - fuck, everyone - and eye-fucking the entire audience. It worked, it really worked, the shows left the fans overwhelmed in all the best ways, buzzing with endorphins, and the videos that went up on you tube just oozed with heat, every single show sold out. But it was only going to be a matter of time until he was humping the scenery or worse.

Fuck. This was why he needed a boyfriend. Someone safe and warm to touch and hold and ground him, someone to fuck and use and use _him_ when he felt too big for his own skin. Someone to call home.

Jealousy roiled in the pit of his stomach when he saw Monte on the phone to Lisa, Sasha calling her girl... He _wanted_ that.

The shit with Tommy on stage was getting to be too much, all the hair pulling and leaning and cat-rubbing, but the fans screamed and Tommy _looked_ at him and it made his gut clench. Fuck, Tommy was his go to for everything but sex. If he needed a hug, it was Tommy he went to first, if he needed to share a secret or if he needed an ego boost, it was Tommy he went to. If he needed to roll his eyes or share a joke with a look, _anything_, it was always Tommy he went to. And with all the rest of the mind-fuck of being on tour, of being the _headliner_ on tour...

Adam was screwed.

Every single day he was caught between cursing and thanking whatever powers may be that he'd put the band on the other bus and taken the temptation away, at least for a little while.

It wasn't his _fault_. He'd learnt long ago not to crush on the straight boy (well, not to crush too hard, anyway), but Tommy read so far off of straight and Adam's mantra of _Tommy is straight. Tommy likes girls_ stopped working weeks ago because Tommy was also always right _there_, smiling, hugging, rubbing, _flirting_.

 

Adam went from elated, riding high on performance endorphins and the buzz of being up close in Tommy's space, to feeling like he was right back in high school; the fat, ginger kid who nobody wanted. It was so _stupid_; Tommy smiling at Adam meant Adam was happy, Tommy smiling at some random girl meant Adam was white-hot-jealous-denial-depressed... but he couldn't help it, couldn't, didn't _want_ to, spend time away from Tommy.

People noticed - of course they noticed, they all lived on top of each other and the fans watched and analyzed their every move - and he knew it was bad when Neil started teasing him about his boy-toy and he started sniping back, defensive and stung. He knew he should talk to Tommy, check he was still okay with playing on stage, but he was afraid that if he asked, the fragile dream world in which he got to touch and play would shatter and he'd be left with nothing.

If he didn't ask, he didn't have to acknowledge that there was anything more important than a bit of showmanship going on. If he didn't ask, he could still touch without it meaning anything. If he didn't ask, it wasn't true.

 

He knew it was worse than bad when Neil stopped saying anything about it at all and just gave him those _looks_ that meant _I'm your little brother, I'm not supposed to worry about you_.

 

  


 

Adam hadn't felt so up and down since he was a teenager, buzzing with hormones and terrified of being called out for being the _fag_. Everyone was walking around on eggshells, trying to keep him happy, and they didn't need that; they needed calm, happy, stable, sane reality so they could go on and produce shows that were half waking dream, half erotic fairytale.

Tommy... Of course Tommy noticed, of course Tommy tried to help... and Adam let him. It was hard not just to enjoy the fantasy when Tommy came up to his dressing room after a show.

"I brought you some tea, it's cold back here and I figured you'd be too busy scraping the bindis off."

"Yeah, well, we're not all blessed with perfect skin. I can't keep this crap on or I'll break out."

"Normal people say 'thank you for the tea', Adam."

Adam smiled at Tommy through the mirror and just let himself have it, just for a moment. Then he shook his head and grabbed stuff for taking off eyelash glue without taking off half your face. He'd been letting himself have way too much; enjoying the random hugs, enjoying Tommy's presence at his shoulder, Tommy's hand at his back. Fuck, Tommy was like a cat trying to cheer up his person with nudges and rubbing and it was the sweetest kind of torture; if Tommy was with him then he wasn't chatting, flirting, fucking with one of the random girls who always seemed to know where they were, but if Tommy was always with him then how was Adam ever supposed to get over him?

 

Adam retreated; got the label to arrange more phone interviews, more publicity, threw himself into promotion for the tour, the singles, the music videos, gave himself as little free time as possible. He didn't know what day of the week it was, but at least he wasn't pining.

 

  


 

The bus had stopped moving and the sun was shining bright in the window. No one had come to get him yet, so it was still early but... Adam stretched out as much as his "deluxe" bed would let him - it was better than the coffin bunks, but it wasn't exactly palatial - and his neck made a grinding noise as he rolled his head. No matter what else he had on today, he needed to get some new pillows before the damn bus crippled him.

He idly scratched his belly; he could feel muscle there, defined without a layer of fat on top, and lower he could feel the cut of his hip... at least working himself into the ground was having a positive effect on his figure. His hand drifted lower, the bus wasn't moving, there was no way he was getting back to sleep... Tommy had been so _good_ last night, like a cat in fucking heat. He closed his eyes and curled his hand loosely around his dick, jacking slowly without much real intent.

The slow, gentle friction felt good, comforting, and he allowed his mind to drift, his fingers tightening at the memory of mussing Tommy's hair, of pulling him close. He hummed out a contented sigh...There had always been an understanding on the bus - living on top of each other meant saving it for the hotel nights, but fuck it; everyone else was getting them some when he was out working his ass off and the door was latched shut. It wasn't like he was planning on making a lot of noise.

He didn't often let himself think about how Tommy felt, lithe, firm, warm, responsive to his touch on stage, how Tommy's gloss-slicked lips would look stretched around his dick, how Tommy's tongue would lick and stroke like it did when he didn't quite kiss him on stage. Oh _fuck_, Tommy's tongue. Adam started jacking faster, imagining all the blissful, sinful things that Tommy could do with that tongue...

He felt the heat pool at the base of his dick and he bit down hard on his lip to stop himself crying out Tommy's name when he came. He thumped his head back into the crappy pillows, trying to knock out the guilt. It felt like a betrayal, coming with perverted images of Tommy in his head.

 

  


 

He couldn't even look at Tommy when they were all checking into the hotel, he knew it was stupid - he was behaving like a _child_ \- but he was horny and really fucking frustrated and it was all too fucking much. Tommy, of course, was all pats on Adam's shoulder or stomach or a kiss on his cheek, like he was trying to goad Adam into paying attention to him.

Adam pulled away from Tommy, making him stumble slightly, and grabbed his keycard from Lane. "I'm getting a migraine. I'll see you all later."

Monte reached out and put a hand on his arm. "You going to be okay for dinner later? You want to reschedule?"

_Fuck_. They were supposed to be taking advantage of the fact he had a big suite in this hotel, with a table large enough for all of them to sit and eat together. "I'll be fine, I just..." He closed his eyes. He needed to get the fuck over this. "I'll sleep it off, take a bath, relax." He tried to smile at Monte.

"Okay, well." Monte looked worried. "I'll call you at six and if you're still feeling bad we'll reschedule."

 

  


 

He did sleep for a little while and he enjoyed the hell out of the oversized waterfall tub and the tiny little bottles of bath oil the hotel provided, letting the hot water soak all the niggling tight spots out of his back and neck. His feet and fingers were wrinkled and pruney by the time he eventually got out, and his skin was pink from the warmth of the water. He laid a dry towel over the second, unmussed bed in the suite, lay down on top of it and just let himself steam dry in the air conditioned coolness of the room. It was kind of blissful. He could do this, Tommy didn't know he'd jerked off to a fantasy Tommy in his head, Tommy didn't have an inkling and behaving weirdly was only going to make Tommy suspicious. Yeah. Just a few more weeks of this then he'd be close enough to home to see Cassidy or someone, take the edge off.

The phone ringing shocked him out of his reverie, but he must've sounded normal enough that Monte didn't press when he said he was good for dinner and that he'd see them in an hour.

 

Dinner was fun, with everyone picking things off of everyone else's plates and Monte trying to fend Sasha off with a fork (Monte was _serious_ about cheesecake). The hotel food was pretty good - even if they didn't have burritos or tacos or _anything that wasn't all foofy_) - and Adam definitely ate too much. Yeah, jerking off to thoughts of one of your best friends was a really hinky thing to do, but it had made Adam feel a whole hell of a lot better, and, yeah. It was going to be fine.

He kind of wondered if anyone would say anything if he just slid off of his chair and lay down on the floor until he'd digested his food baby a little bit. Standing up sounded _hard_ and his pants were way too tight.

"True Blood marathon!" Sasha was practically bouncing in her seat.

Monte rolled his eyes. "Who gave you sugar?"

Sasha pointed at Neil and Monte mock-glared at him. "Dancers are like Gremlins. No sugar after 4 o'clock or they turn into monsters."

Tommy looked up from his dessert. "Mogwai."

Monte made a fairly awesome _huh?_ face that Adam reckoned he'd been saving up from months of being an attentive and supportive Dad. "What?"

"Mogwai, Gremlins are after they've been fed." Tommy made a kind of monster-hands gesture at Sasha. "So like now Sasha's a Gremlin, but before the cake she was a Mogwai."

"Raaaaaaaaahr." Sasha started play-attacking Monte.

"Get off! You can watch your stupid vampires you monster! I'm going to call Lisa and the kids."

 

Adam couldn't work out if he was relieved or disappointed that Tommy left with Monte and L.P. when the rest of them puppy-piled onto the couches in front of the T.V..

Terrance commandeered the remote. "Where'd we get to?"

"The one where Sookie finally fucks Bill." Neil seemed to be sitting on the floor, underneath Sasha's legs. It didn't look very comfortable.

"That was _ages_ ago." It looked even less comfortable when Sasha punctuated her point by kicking him on the ear.

"Fuck! Oww! It's not my fault you keep sneaking off to watch without me."

Terrance slapped the back of Neil's shoulder. Adam should probably have said something about not abusing his brother. "Sneaking didn't even come into it, just as well I don't mind re-watching."

Adam was pretty sure he hadn't even seen Sookie lose her virginity, so there obviously _had_ been some ninja viewing going on, but he could always catch up later and he was pretty comfortable - too tight pants notwithstanding.

 

Stephen Moyer was kinda cute, for an old guy - the vampire teeth helped for sure - and Adam was really only half watching the show and half working on a fantasy for later when Tommy came back into the suite and meandered over to the couches.

"Hey, you started without me." Tommy should have been banned from pouting, long, long ago.

"We thought you'd gone." Sasha poked at Terrance with her foot. "Rewind it."

"I went to the bathroom." Tommy looked at the couches, shrugged and sat on Adam's knee. "You don't need to go back, just tell me what happened in the bit I missed?" He handed Adam a keycard. "That's yours, thanks."

Tommy was warm, and a little wriggly, and Adam just about froze when he pretty much _ground his ass over his dick_.

"Uhh." Adam wasn't entirely sure he had control over his words. _Do not get hard, do not get hard, oil-slick birds, taco meat, Kara's smile, no, no, no, no, no, nooooooooo._ "Sit still." Adam put his arm around Tommy's waist and tried to hold him away from his cock. "Why'd you go to the bathroom in your room, there's one just over there?"

"Umm." Tommy ducked his head, so his hair covered his face. "I didn't want to stink out yours?"

Adam snorted. "Thank you for your consideration." The whole conversation should have been a total turn off, but, well. _Warm and wriggly_. "You're not gassy now, though, right?"

Tommy glared at him and squirmed around until he was sitting with his back tight against Adam's chest with his head pillowed into Adam's neck. It wasn't all that comfortable, and Adam was very, very aware that his dick was kind of interested in proceedings, but Adam wouldn't have moved him for all the fame and fortune in the world.

 

Adam had no fucking clue what was going on on-screen because Tommy would not quit moving. First he rested his arm over the arm Adam had slung around his waist, then he grabbed Adam's _other_ arm and used it to hide behind when something _scary_ was happening on the show - and what the flying fuck was up with _that_ \- then he moved his head to the other side of Adam's neck and fucking snuggled in. It was like having an over-sized, restless, handsy _cat_, and there was no fucking way Tommy couldn't feel Adam's rock-hard dick poking him in the ass.

And even if Tommy was completely fucking oblivious, the others were beginning to yawn and make noises about this being the last episode before bed and Adam's worn in gray sweats were comfortable and kind of baggy, but he was pretty sure that he didn't have _any_ pants baggy enough to hide his monster boner from the room. They gave him enough shit about getting hard on stage and that was just down to endorphins...The credits started rolling and he buried his face in Tommy's hair in despair.

"Hey," Tommy patted Adam's head. "T, leave me the remote, I wanna go back and watch the part I missed."

"You sure?" Terrance yawned. "Looks like the last one standing's going to have to put the boss to bed?"

"Yeah, make sure he doesn't sleep on the couch, he'll just bitch." Neil was just obnoxious; Adam was perfectly capable of going to bed by himself.

Adam could hear Tommy's smile. "Yep, gimme." The remote thunked against Adam's thigh. "You'd think a dancer would have better aim."

Terrance spluttered a little but Sasha started ordering people around and marshalling them out of the room.

 

  


 

The door had closed behind their friends, but Tommy was still all cuddled up on his lap, stroking gently at the back of the hand he had curled around Tommy's waist. Tommy had sat on his knee before, perched when there wasn't any other room, or to wrestle something away from him, but not like this. This was more like he used to curl up with Brad, warm and close. He didn't want to let go.

"You're not really sleeping, are you?" Tommy squirmed, jostling Adam's head back and turning around enough to see him.

He opened his eyes and looked at Tommy, waiting for him to comment on his hard on.

Tommy smiled. "I didn't think so." He reached down and _fucking squeezed Adam's dick_. "I figured this was probably too distracting."

Adam's jaw worked as he tried to form words. "Uhh, I, uhh, ummm..."

Tommy didn't let go, just started jacking Adam slightly through his sweats. "I didn't stay because I wanted to see what I missed." Tommy leaned forwards and sucked at Adam's bottom lip. "And I went to _my_ bathroom before because I wanted to...prepare." Tommy's smile had turned distinctly feral and Adam's chest felt too tight, his face too hot and his cock, oh fuck...

Tommy slid back, and Adam was a little concerned he was going to fall onto the floor, but not _that_ concerned because he'd also stopped jacking him and that was just mean. "You like me, right?"

"Uhhh."

"Like, _like_ like me? 'Cause I know I make you pop wood all the damn time and you watch me when you think I'm not looking."

"Uhhh." Adam's face was already hot with want, but embarrassment was sending a flush right down his chest.

"I look too, s'cool, hell I touch you all the time man, but if I read you wrong..."

"No." Adam tightened his grip, and thank _God_ his arms were with the program. "Not wrong."

"Good." Tommy wriggled back down and ground on Adam's dick again. "And this isn't some one night shit, right? This is." He waved his hand around, but Adam was too busy watching his face to really see what he was gesturing. "Like, for real?"

Adam felt kind of like someone had been repeated slapping him around the face. Tommy wanted there to be a _them_? "Yeah...?"

Tommy grinned. "Thank fuck for that. Coming out to everyone was a total pain in the ass, it would have sucked if it was for nothing."

"Wait, _what_?"

"Well, Mom caught me sucking Mike's dick when we were 15, so that wasn't so hard, but, like, Mia and my room mates and everyone."

"You. You what?"

"I told them that I kinda like cock. No big deal."

Adam's boner was kind of deflating and he was _definitely_ shaking a little bit. "It's a huge fucking deal Tommy, it's like..." There weren't actual words, just... Tommy liked cock. Tommy liked _his_ cock, apparently and just... that's not how it _worked_.

Tommy shrugged. "People are just people, you know? The bits they've got attached are less important." He rubbed a finger along Adam's lips. "I mean, I really _like_ your bits and everything, but that's not why..."

Tommy had turned Adam's entire brain upside down, nothing made any sense at all. "Why..?"

Tommy stuck his finger into Adam's open mouth and slid it in and out over his tongue. "Mmmh. Yeah. You like me, right?"

Adam nodded.

"I like you; you're like my _best_ friend."

Adam couldn't help but smile.

"So, right, we're friends, we like each other, we're with each other _all the time_... the only thing that's missing is the sex and I think that'd be fucking awesome, so..." Tommy shrugged again. "I didn't like it when you had to deal with your migraine all on your own, that shit sucks."

"I didn't."

Tommy frowned and pulled his hand away from Adam's mouth.

"I, uh." Adam took a deep breath and just blurted it out. "I jerked off thinking about you this morning and I was embarrassed."

Tommy almost fell off his knee, laughing. "Oh man. I'm _really_ pissed you were up here alone, then." Tommy stood up and reached down to Adam. "We could totally have been fucking. Come on, I've got to put you to bed. Neil's orders."

"I...I don't think that's quite what he had in mind."

"Sucks to be him." Tommy tugged Adam's hand until he stood up. "Come on."

Tommy slung his arms around Adam, and Adam was kind of glad that Tommy was there to hold him up, because his legs were more than a little wobbly.

Adam stumbled slightly when Tommy started dragging him towards the bedroom.

"Oops," Tommy stopped and put a hand up on his chest. "Did I put your legs to sleep when I was sitting on them?"

"With your tiny ass?" Adam slid his hand down to squeeze Tommy's butt and curled his other hand up through the back of Tommy's ridiculous hair.

"I'm heavier than I look." Tommy slid his hand up Adam's chest, round the back of his neck and tugged him down. "But I kinda like sitting on you, so s'cool if you want to be all macho about it."

Adam laughed. "I don't think anyone's ever called me _macho_ before." Tommy's mouth was _right there_, all inviting looking, so Adam kissed it, just once, gently.

"Mmmmh, yeah? Well people are dumb; you're alpha-est fucker I know." Tommy stretched up towards him and pulled down on his neck again. "Why'd you stop kissing me?"

"_I'm_ alpha?...you're the toppy little fuck."

Tommy huffed.

"Okay, okay!"

Tommy's mouth was soft and there was a faint taste of peppermint on his tongue, and it wasn't anything like kissing him on stage; there was no music to worry about, no choreography he had to keep to, just lips and tongue and the barest nip of teeth. This kiss wasn't about performing or claiming ownership. Adam didn't need to mark his territory anymore, not with Tommy clinging on so tight, not with Tommy rocking up almost imperceptibly against his thigh. All those nights play-acting that Tommy was _his_...and now he was.

Adam let out a groan. His dick was tight up against Tommy's stomach and he was so _hard_, the tiny amount of friction coming from Tommy's thrusting was going to be enough... he was going to come in his pants just from a little rubbing and a little making out, and he couldn't catch his breath, not really, and it was making his head spin.

Tommy tightened his arm around Adam's waist, pulling tighter, tugged his head back and looked Adam right in the eye. "Come on, baby boy, for me."

Adam's hips twitched and he thrust forwards, rubbing his dick hard against Tommy's stomach, and that was enough. His cock throbbed and he came hard in hot, breath-stealing pulses, soaking through the worn fabric of his pants and into Tommy's shirt.

Tommy smiled and pulled Adam's head down until it was resting on his shoulder and Adam leaned against him, just breathing. "I'm totally stealing your clothes in the morning."

"Uhh. They might be kinda big on you?"

"I don't care, baggy's good." Tommy scratched lightly at the skin at Adam's waist. "I love you and all, but I'm not doing the walk of shame covered in your come."

Adam laughed and Tommy scratched a little bit harder.

"Adam..." There was a warning note in his voice.

"Umm." Adam mouthed at Tommy's neck, enjoying the shiver when his teeth caught slightly on Tommy's skin. "I kind of like, umm, I want people to know."

"Adam." Tommy actually fucking _pinched_ at Adam's waist. "You don't need to spray me like a tom cat, people know, everyone fucking knows."

"But..."

"Baby, I will wear your letter jacket, your class ring, fuck, I'd wear half your fucking jewelry if you want, it's cool. I will even get a fucking tatt of your name on my ass, but I'm not going out in public, where there might be fans with cameras, wearing your come. Come stains are so not family friendly."

"You'd get a tattoo? Really?"

Tommy looked at him like he was stupid and held up his wrist. "I got this one for you."

Adam felt like his heart stuttered in his chest. "You..."

"Yeah, I like that you called me your beautiful Libra. I..."

Adam leant over and kissed the black ink. "You are, you know, beautiful."

Tommy hummed. "And yours." He pulled backwards. "Come on. You might have gotten off in your pants, but I'm not a horny teenager and I did promise to put you to bed..."

"Okay old man." Adam snorted. "You know, I've never dated anyone older than me before."

"Get used to it."

"Planning on it." And Adam let Tommy drag him to the bedroom.


End file.
